Long weekend.

Sorry, it's been a few days. It is a very busy season out on the lake and this weekend was packed with long shifts and lots of customers. I am losing a step on these busy weekends. I can tell how the weight has effected my work life. I used to love going in on busy nights and chatting with guests and relishing in the spirit of a great, fast-paced night. Now, I'm so self consciences about my weight, self consciences of the way my clothes fit me and how I am being perceived that I'm panic stricken when I have to go in for a closing shift that I find any excuse to no chat up tables, even if they know me. It's stupid, I know and it is what I'm building up in my own brain; but, knowing that makes it all the more easy to get caught up in a spiral downward.

Does this surgery make me a better manager? I hope so. Does this surgery allow me to do my job better? I believe so. Does this new lease on life change the way I am perceived? Absolutely. I have not been able to find a negative for doing this surgery. The closest negative is that I didn't decide to do this 2 years ago, or that I will be away from work for 2-3 weeks. That's sad. I hope anyone who reads this and is trying to wrestle with their addiction will take away the fact that there is nothing but good that can come from this procedure. Make up your mind for your life. For all the superfluous reasons I can come up with for doing this for my wife and kids, for my job, for my friends etc., I understand that I'm doing this for me-selfishly.

It's one week. One week until I sit down face to face with my doctor and shake the hand of the man who will change my life. I'm very emotional right now about it. This week is going to be hard to concentrate on anything else. I can only hope that the week goes fast.