Hesitation and anticipation

So, there are butterflies where I thought courage would be. My Doctor, Dr. Thomas Jones, MD, is an artist of sorts and supposedly has a complication rate of 1/2000 Gastric Bypass procedures performed. I have a hard time dealing with something when I am not in control. No, I don't want to wait until I pass 7 years of Medical School, residency and the like to perform the procedure myself. Ask my wife how long it took me to get over my fear of flying (which is actually a great story-thanks to Old Chicago...). My point is that although I trust that my doctor will have my best interest in mind and hands and that thousands of these procedures are completed every year, I still have some trepidation due to the fact I'm not in control.

Look at where I got with being in control of my eating so far. My addiction has won and now I am going to get the help I need. I love the absolute that this surgery will give me. Sure, for all intense and purposes, nothing is 100%. I feel my strong will, coupled with the surgery, will prove the proper defense. If I'm told I can only eat 3oz. of food at each meal, must take a multivitamin and other substances for the rest of my life, can't drink liquid with my meal or have any of my wife's sweets anymore...yeah, I'll be depressed for a bit, but that's the addiction talking. Once food is removed as the addiction, life can progress as it should have.

I can't wait to see the new me develop. I can't wait to shop at Target again or wear a suit or tie my shoes without falling short of breath. I want to not be an embarrassment at the pool for my Daughter. I want to look good for my sexy wife. I want to wear sexy striped shirts and take my wife places only pretty people go. Mostly, I want to be around for grandchildren and great grandchildren and become the person I have always felt inside that I can become. Through all the layers of fat and depression and anger and pain, there is a Chris Seiple just waiting to get out.